Wednesday, June 6, 2012

SPOKEN WORD

Scripture: II Corinthians 4:13a, 16a   

We Believe and therefore speak...therefore we do not lose heart

The first time I preached the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I was 15 years old, about 11 years ago. I can’t exactly remember the content or the verse but I remember clearly how I felt in that sacred moment. It was the bravest I have ever been in my life. I was still in the honeymoon stage of a young believer, where everything about the Bible and the Christian faith was completely and undeniably true. It was before I moved out of my parent’s house to find a world that was as broken as the news depicts it. It was before learning about “Redaction Criticism.” It was before having a full understanding of the ways in which Christianity was (and in many ways still is) inexplicably bound to harming, degrading, and exploiting the lives and bodies of many peoples. Before wrapping my lips around the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, I preached with an unshakable faith that gave me a profound courage.

A courage that would have made me vigorously nod my head in agreement with Paul and shout “Yes! We believe and therefore we speak!”

A courage that I have never known before or since.

Eleven years later, I have grown accustomed to the fear, anxiety and trepidation that comes along with preaching. I am afraid that I am interpreting the scriptures improperly. I am afraid that I am not fully understood. I am afraid that I am seeking after the approval of the congregation and fellow colleagues rather than God. And the greatest fear and cause of anxiety of all: that I may not actually believe what it is that I am saying. 

We believe and therefore speak...and therefore we do not lose heart.

Where I would nod my head vigorously, now I would tilt my head at Paul and respond reflectively, “well...yes. And No.”

While I can still remember the confidence of preaching with an unshakable faith, some of the best preaching I have ever done was when I was in the pit of doubt and despair; the trenches of life altering depression; the grips of an acute spiritual crisis. 

And in these dark moments, it was not that I believed and therefore spoke.

Rather, I spoke in order to believe.

 I spoke what I needed to believe

I spoke what I desperately wanted to believe.

And it was in these dark moments that speaking, it was in these dark moments that preaching the Gospel, saved my life!

Prayer:  Blessed Redeemer, may your words ring.  May your truth resound, so that even when we feel far a way from we can hear you speak to us.  Also, nurture the "seed" of faith within us so that we will not loose heart.  Amen. 

The Reverend Tiffany Thomas